Could you please fix me?

On: Friends suffering from serious heartbreaks and me trying to deal with it

So I crumble completely when you cry. It seems like once again you've had to greet me with Goodbye... Arctic Monkeys 

Why is it so freaking hard? To love and to be loved back. Why does not everyone we admire feel the exact same for us? Why isn't it always 1+1= 2 = Love? 
We grow up into a world full of fairytales, where the two protagonists, after several obstacles and the big misunderstanding, still get each other in the end. Where love is real, between two people and can't just fade with time or get broken by the betrayal of one. 

We grow up to believe that we could find that special somebody by whom we won't be hurt, we will just be loved into eternity. We grow up and see our parents divorce one another, we see how love is not eternal, it's temporary. And that there are different extents of love. A crush, a fling, a romance, a relationship, a marriage, a soulmate...

I know it's German but...They say:
"You're my favourite person"
"That will pass, too"

We realize that some people love other people so much they would die for them while the other person just doesn't care. 
Or parents who love their children so much they break completely if something happens to them. We experience our first very own heartbreak and begin to understand what this feeling is that every singer sings about and that every band has covered. 

Love is irrational. So is heartbreak. 
Hence it is hard for your friend to emphasize with you when you lie on your bed just crying about her, her and only HER forever. In your mind, there's only her face, her hair, her voice, her smile and the worst of all: her rejection of you. The bitter feeling that day left in your gut.
But it's easier for them when they got through a similar situation in their past. Like always. We can't put ourselves in the skin of others, we can just relate to some things they experience.

So that's what I did, two times in this year's cursed christmas holidays. 
"We just practically broke up. Can you come over? I need you!" said the Whatsapp message and you guys know how fucking hard and disastrous it can be to receive texts like this. Texts that scream from all of their letters: "I'M HURT! Could you please fix me?" 
Because to watch a real friend, a person you love so much, being sad and heartbroken, brings a bit of their bitter feeling in your gut, too. They are supposed to be happy! They are supposed to smile! Noone is allowed to hurt your baby! 

A similar situation with my best friend. Different lover, different length of the relationship - 
but the same fucking destructive feeling. Maybe it is typical for us humans how universal heartbreak is and in the same time the most personal and individual thing of all times.

His text says "I'm in the car in front of my house. Can you come?" . Without any emojis and with the background that he just talked to the person he's in love with, to clarify things, you know that he sits there alone in the dark, crying. That he doesn't want to go inside to avoid talking to his dad and explaining his red eyes and his terrible mood. 

We'll be there, talking and shedding tears in the dark. (source)

You know that nothing is okay. Everything is so wrong. It feels like it will never be right again. 
"Why can't it just be okay? Like it was in the beginning: We were so happy, I was so happy at the time. But now...?". He looks at me, sobbing, suing. But I can't answer his questions. 
Only these old dumb and lame phrases come to my mind. They are true. But they don't really help. "Time heals" and "It'll be alright" and "You're to good for them anyway" and "You don't need them to be happy" and "you'll find someone else".

I wonder if I am good at comforting people. I imagine the pain I went through in some times in my life. How I called them and cried for help. How I was a crumbled mess on the floor. How I thought that "It will be alright" was the biggest of all lies. 
And suddenly it gets easier to feel them, to console them and be there for them. It is a really important part of a friendship to be there in this time, to lend your hand when your friend is at the bottom. Help them up and get a new start.

Since I know this video by TimH, I've shown it all of my friends who were in a similiar situation. It really sums up in a wonderful slightly funny way how you feel after a relationship ended and you are still in love with the person. 
And I have to say thank you Tim, for making it, because it really helps. You may cry more at first, but you start to reflect about the how and why and that there is a way to move on. 


And yet here is your friend. So vulnerable, so weak, like you've never seen them before. They cry they look at you and beg you to fix them. But you can't. Only time is able to do it, and they themselves have to "get over it" (oh how I hate that this is true). The only thing you can do, is hug them, carress them, acknoledge that they're great people and the time/situation/person just wasn't right. Because, even if I sound like my mom, it WILL get better. There WILL be someone else. And... time really heals. 
Noone knows it better than you.