In Between Times

On: a film project, turning points, the search for focus and "how to live"

While everyone is back home enjoying their holidays, I'm still here.

I'm working on a film project, first a 2-week (post-/production) course and later our own little 5-min-or-so-movie for university. It's fun and exhausting at the same time. 

I've never really realized how much work you have to put into just one tiny scene of a movie, containing 3-8 different shots (e.g. detail, panorama, close-up). Everytime you move the camera around (which can be quite tricky with its tripod, the mirophone, the lights...), you have to change or adjust all your settings again: The white balance (depends on indoor/outdoor shooting), the shutter dissolve to make sure you have decent lighting but no overexposure, the tone (which microphone type do you use? Are the background noises too strong? All voices audible?) and last but not least the focus.

If you're trying to film a person, always zoom in on the eyes and focus there (automatic peaking helps so much).

I learned what the golden ratio is and that you need a 3-point-light-system to make a person look sympathetic and well in your takes. Superficially, I learned how to cut scenes, cross-cut soundtracks and so on. The fun times we had when we shot our little Katy Perry parody (me and my bestie) in 2010, really helped me out with this. Because although we use Adobe Premiere now and used some shitty trial program back then, if you did cutting once, it's easy to get back into it later. It's no sorcery. 

All in all, I've put more effort in this course than in any other of the first and now past semester. Everyday 9 to 5 is not my usual uni schedule ;) . When I look around and see some of my fellow students and some friends that are studying, too, I get the feeling that I am quite okay with the balance of the work I do, with my stress level (all time low) and my free time, and especially "me-time". I used to set up too many appointments, join too many clubs and things; now I am trying to do a lot, but not too much. This semester, I finally retook karate as a long-missed hobby of mine. I still play the guitar (mostly at home though; here I only have my ukulele - But that's fine at least I'm working on it). I am in the "Fachschaft" which is a student council but in our little field of studies rather a coffee-drinking bunch of nice girls and one guy. Not so much about university politics, rather about planning a MKW blog (guess who's in for it?) and the christmas party. 

Recently, I noticed a relatively blank paper note in front of the cafeteria, saying "actors/actresses for student theater group wanted".

So I've joined a theater group. It's led by a philosophy Master student, Felix. Or better: Not led, but managed, because leading would sound too much like a hierarchy which we are clearly not (in his words). 

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. We're playing scenes from the play we want to get on stage, "Eleutheria" by Beckett, we're doing a bunch of funny impro theater games and practises or we discuss the great mysteries of our society like the gender trouble by a beer, a red wine, a whiskey coke and an apple juice (literally in this order at our table). They're all interesting, fun and creative new people. 

While collecting and brainstorming ideas for our own movie in the film project, I couldn't let go of that one vision of a film based on the butterfly effect. One little thing changed can be a great turning point in your life and can literally change everything. As an example we want to use a lovestory, okay, that was kind of obvious, two people meeting and falling in love, caused by one tiny decision by the girl. She chose M&Ms, not Snickers leading to her finding the man she will marry. We will put in some drama and the idea that going back and changing that candy decision could be possible. And that's it ;). 

These film ideas, not yet realized and haunting my mind, brought me the back a thought I had a while ago. About my own life, my own decisions and especially the one going abroad to Paris and how that changed everything and influenced everything. And how the choice of going to Freiburg for my studies influenced who I met and who I will going to meet here, how it excluded all the alternative routes my life could have taken. I could be in Düsseldorf, studying social sciences, in Cologne doing the same major but a different minor, in Stuttgart doing rather design than theoretical studies on media. 

I would have never met my current boyfriend. Or the new friends that I found here. Probably, no, certainly I would have found others. That would have changed me differently, affected me in another way than the people here are doing it now. I once said, and I still say it, that I don't want to go back. (#noregrets)

I believe that every decision we make out of feelings and reflection (Trust your guts!) is right at the moment and for our lives, even if it turns out to be shitty later on. The good thing is: Noone is punished for taking a turn, for following a new track or breaking off something you don't like doing. Life holds opportunities for anyone at any time. A gap in your CV might have been the best thing you have ever done. I know it's hard sometimes to keep it all in mind: The past, the future, the now. Keeping your shit together. Because in our studies, our work and our daily life we're often too concerned about what's going to happen: Tomorrow, next week, in 10 years. "When will we schedule the meeting? When will the exams take place? What will I do after I finished school? What do I want to do for a living? I have to save for my holiday plans..."

All this stuff is important, it's necessary in some ways. Keeps us going. And nobody is less attractive and convincing than someone who doesn't know what they want and in which direction they're headed. 

But on which field should we lay our focus on? There's also our past, producing and deleting memories every minute that goes by. We narrate it, it defines us, it makes us what we are today. And there's the NOW. Often celebrated, often over- and sometimes underestimated. You can't just live in the moment, because the moment passes too quickly. There will be always your memories, your stories connecting with the things you're doing now and the emotions you feel. Like the music my boyfriend put on this afternoon on his (vynil) record player (he's kind of a freak when it comes to music). It was Milky Chance, two german guys who make music you can dance or just dream to and who I discovered almost exactly a year ago in Paris. And saw them there, live.

Paris, La Défense, Festival Chorus, March 2014

Like you noticed, I immediately connected their voices, the soft tone of their chords and bass to the good times I had, riding my bicycle in Paris listening to their songs or the concert there at La Défense. I couldn't help myself, they made me smile, they took me back to moments long gone; I can't live without my past. Neither without my future, sneaking around in the back of my head where all the travel plans lie, the career goals. The house with the garden and the kids, in a golden fluffy dust of maybes. 

I can't live without your breath by my past, Babe                                                          I can't breathe without your life by my future                                                           I can't see clear without your teardrops in my eyes - Mando Diao

You can never live in any of those three states, those three times. You're not able to focus on one thing, like the camera does. You always mix up the three, they are like ropes, each pulling you towards another hole. Don't get caught up by one or you'll fall. You get lost. Maybe in dreams of how it could be, or in nostalgic memories, or in the moment, by doing drugs or loving someone you know there will be no future with. Fuck, it's harder to live than I thought it was.

What I wanted to say in the first place, was, that I think that I'm relatively good at managing the ropes and not letting me be pulled into a hole. Although I have a week of holidays in Paris planned and I am sooo up for falling in that hole, at least for a week ;). 

And we were bound to the citylife. Flashlights when we're falling into the night. Focused on what you feel; just when you were calling her love that day - Milky Chance

Everyhing is going well with my boyfriend, at least I'd say so. He's a big part of my present (and my near past, as you may recall). 

And maybe of my future... *dramatically romantic stare into infinity* 

Naaah, you guys know me. A little bit of hopeless romantic behaviour never killed nobody. 

I really like him. He's a good one. :) In contrast to former relationships or relations to guys I am sure that he likes me back, that he is honest and would never cheat on me - Umm, according to this list, he's almost perfect. I'm still making plans on travelling with my friend in summer, I have tickets for a festival, I dream of the next time being abroad longer, of doing language courses, of visiting people. Okay now enough with the shameless self-promotion by linking you to older posts. What I wanted to say is:

I'm holding the ropes, I'm keeping my balance.

Ok, done with this rope metaphor- I'm living my life.

In between different times and states of minds. But overall, I'm fine.

Where are you from?

On: My studies so far, Boyfriends moving houses and me producing an existential crisis out of it

I wrote my first and one out of only two exams this semester. I had a presentation about Harry Potter as a cultural phenonemon last week. I write the essay in my major about how social media and dating apps like tinder change social/romantic behaviour.

Sometimes I feel like my studies aren't even real.

Almost everything seems so interesting and cool. Therefore it's easy to bear some tiny things that annoy me. Overall, I'm happy. I get the feeling that many people, especially many of my fellow students, were disappointed when first arriving at Uni. I guess there are several reasons for this fact.

There exists a majority who hasn't really considered what to do and which studies to start and reflected on it – and just chose something that seemed roughly interesting.

Also, there are people who realize they're different than their former opinion of themselves. It's harder to be one of them because you have to understand that what you always assumed to be true and matching your personality and interests, is instead something very different and doesn't satisfy your wishes and expectations.

In my opinion, stop it! Turn around, take another route! Changing your mind is okay, especially when it comes to life's big choices. Noone expects you to do something you don't love and support. So you shouldn't either.

But don't make this a too easy decision. Think about it wisely and consider your options. But on the other hand – Don't wait too long. In just letting time flow by you avoid deciding altogether and let time make it for you.

In the end, it's comfortable for you to argue, if someone may ask: „Naaah, man it was too late to change, anyway – i was in the fifth semester...“

I hate this kind of attitude. Don't do things out of habitude. I know it can be comforting and agreable and it is part of getting to know a new place, a new city – habitulizing it. A few months ago this place wasn't on my imaginary map at all, now I'm seeing this bus stop almost every day. The church, the stream, the facades of the houses lining along it in late January sunlight.

A friend of mine has been fascinated by first and last times since forever. Seldomly, I'm struck by this, too. When do we ever realize that this is the last, the very last time we see this person or we are at the dinner table in this constellation. When my boyfriend moved houses this weekend - wait what? You have a boyfriend?!! [For anyone with requests like this one, you can read about how it all started here.]

(and shame on me I was hiding in my hometown due to my little bro's birthday and not helping out – insert *monkey hides his eyes emoji* here), was one time when I thought about this again. 

Not only that we change constantly and that our perspective shapes and changes our environment and our perception of it. But also that my ways will completely change. New bike routes to discover, not the habitualized one through beautiful alleys and along the Dreisam. New stations to remember: their timetables, lines and names.

A new appartment, new flat mates. A real living room, a smaller bedroom. Moving can be exhausting and when you are finally there, arrived and lying on your mew bed in your new room, you feel a bit lost and you may text your girlfriend "I could do with a hug now..."

And it occurred to me that I am going to move again, too. That nothing in a student's life is really fixed. That home isn't really home here – nope, rather a place for the next 6 months if I'm lucky (because my landlords are kind of snobby and I reaaaally want to move in a flat share, too).

I guess I'm lucky that I have a place to go that I can truly call „home“. Where my family is, where I've spent 17 years of my life. As I broaden my horizont and meet people that don't have this fixed spot to go back to, I don't know if I should pity or envy them.

If your family expatriates to live in Canada, maybe you just shift home to be there, where your parents and most siblings are. 
And if you don't really have a „real home“, because you moved over 17 times in your 18 years (like a very lovely new person I know) and your parents live seperated in different cities, you just choose one and maybe you convince yourself that it's not that important to have one.

Home, where my thought’s escaping

Home, where my music's playing

Home, where my love lies waiting

Silently for me – Paul Simon

If home is where you loved ones are, home can be spread around in many different places, different countries.

If home is, where the heart is, I'd call Paris my home, at least partly. I never felt such freedom and happiness in another place.

If home can be many places, there is not home in a singular, but homes in a plural.

But somehow we need „a place to start from“ when we start telling our stories, when we emplot our lives to build our identity (*puts on nerd glasses* that's called your „narrative identity“ and is a cultural concept). That's why the question „Where are you from?“ is so important to people. Almost as important as „Where are you going?“

Round my hometown

memories are fresh

round my hometown

ooh the people I've met

are the wonders in my world - Adele

Often, we underestimate the power our „first home“, our hometown, the place we come from, the place or places we were born and raised. We'd say: It's my past. We may neglect our connection to it (never want to come back to it), or on the contrary we will show it and embrace it with pride.

A german musician put into words what I feel about my hometown and my home village, a small place with a popultion of roughly 5000 souls. Because however it is a dumb and lame „Kuhkaff“ as we say here, I still met my best and closest friends there. I still passed a lucky childhood there, found good places, magic places there.

I still kinda hate-love this place. Leaving it behind was a liberation. Going out into the Great Wide World. Moving to a big city, being young (,wild and free).

But in my inner mind I know somehow, I will always come back.

May it be forever or just for a day.

Naked

On: intellectual, emotional connection (and a little bit of sex)


I want to be close to you. 
I am talking about close in the sense of the metaphysical approaching of two souls. Not in the sense of: Let's get naked and have an "adult slumber party" together (to choose Tyler Oakley's words).

I just wanna see you strip, right now. Cause it's late, babe                                            Girl, I just wanna see you strip, girl take your time with it - Chris Brown  

(No, Chris Brown, not like that! And even if you've got rhythm - there's no chance I am taking any advice from you!)

Is this a "first world problem"? (not that any of the topics discussed on this blog or in this context weren't first world problems...) Or is it just that for me it is neccessary to have a strong intellectual connection to be in a real relationship? I don't know but it's kind of hard for me to bond with you emotionally and on a conversational basis if we just have sex any minute I am in closer distance to you than 3 feet. Okay, maybe this was a bit over-dramatic. But you get my point, do you?

Don't get me wrong - We're having an awesome time, you and me (and awesome sex, #TMI for anybody else). But is this all there is? I hope that I'm wrong. I hope there is much more. 
This quote really puts into words how I feel like:

Please, tell me what your biggest fear is. Please ask me about my favourite place and all the names of the pets I had in my childhood. Please, let's discuss sexism and what we can do about it. Please, tell me who you love the most in your life. Please, tell me: Did you cry last night? And why? Please show me the drawings or poems or texts or songs noone is allowed to see. I'll show you mine. Please hand me your soul so I can touch it and keep it and  we can truly be together. 

... Well, this is going a bit further than planned. But you get it, do you? 

Maybe this helps: When I was younger I felt very uncomfortable being naked. Like naked-naked. Because it was hard for me to accept my body, my flaws (I guess I never woke up like this..). I didn't look like I wanted to look, I felt too chubby in a few and too thin in many places. Especially being naked with another person around was everything but enjoyable and always a big deal for me. 

It's not that this is the complete opposite and I spontaneously undress myself today in any situation - Gosh, I just do that all two weeks and only when I am in university.

 (not sure: do I have to underline that I'm joking?)

Yes, this is a picture of my belly - I feel no shame.

No, it's about how with time, experience and with many hours and self-conviction of "looking-at-yourself-in-the-mirror-and-realizing-that-this-person-is-you-and-that-you-are-beautiful" (and listening a lot to James Blunt) I got to a point where I can say: I'm not ashamed to be naked anymore. It is a good thing to say and to be.

But now, let's take this one step further. 

With projects like this blog, my journal and my ongoing mind carousel of reflecting on my everyday life, what I do and what I'm like, I try to figure out who I am. More importanly, to accept that person, that soul, that human that is me and only me. Because: You know, that you have to stick around with yourself till the end. No matter what. 

I guess you can draw a comparison of my naked ashamed self to myself who doesn't know who she is yet. Or maybe I kind of know it now. And I hope that you know who you are, too. 

Or maybe there lies the problem. Is it so? 

I want to let go of the shame and share with you what I have got to say. 

What's burning on my mind. And I want you to do the same for me. To me. With me. Tell me. 

“When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in.The light can get out.” ― John Green, Paper Towns

Certainly, I can't do it like that. I can't force you to strip your mind like I can't force you to strip your clothes. You would feel uncomfortable, you wouldn't feel right. (I really don't want to rape you, ok?) 

So I have to wait. 

Until you open up for me voluntarily. Until you let me see through your cracks. I know that it's light what's waiting there. I try to be patient and I really do understand that not everybody is as upfront and open about their most personal thoughts and feelings, as I am sometimes.

I just wanted to let you know: I'm honest. I'm in love with you. You can trust me.

You can be naked in front of me.

Could you please fix me?

On: Friends suffering from serious heartbreaks and me trying to deal with it

So I crumble completely when you cry. It seems like once again you've had to greet me with Goodbye... Arctic Monkeys 

Why is it so freaking hard? To love and to be loved back. Why does not everyone we admire feel the exact same for us? Why isn't it always 1+1= 2 = Love? 
We grow up into a world full of fairytales, where the two protagonists, after several obstacles and the big misunderstanding, still get each other in the end. Where love is real, between two people and can't just fade with time or get broken by the betrayal of one. 

We grow up to believe that we could find that special somebody by whom we won't be hurt, we will just be loved into eternity. We grow up and see our parents divorce one another, we see how love is not eternal, it's temporary. And that there are different extents of love. A crush, a fling, a romance, a relationship, a marriage, a soulmate...

I know it's German but...They say:
"You're my favourite person"
"That will pass, too"

We realize that some people love other people so much they would die for them while the other person just doesn't care. 
Or parents who love their children so much they break completely if something happens to them. We experience our first very own heartbreak and begin to understand what this feeling is that every singer sings about and that every band has covered. 

Love is irrational. So is heartbreak. 
Hence it is hard for your friend to emphasize with you when you lie on your bed just crying about her, her and only HER forever. In your mind, there's only her face, her hair, her voice, her smile and the worst of all: her rejection of you. The bitter feeling that day left in your gut.
But it's easier for them when they got through a similar situation in their past. Like always. We can't put ourselves in the skin of others, we can just relate to some things they experience.

So that's what I did, two times in this year's cursed christmas holidays. 
"We just practically broke up. Can you come over? I need you!" said the Whatsapp message and you guys know how fucking hard and disastrous it can be to receive texts like this. Texts that scream from all of their letters: "I'M HURT! Could you please fix me?" 
Because to watch a real friend, a person you love so much, being sad and heartbroken, brings a bit of their bitter feeling in your gut, too. They are supposed to be happy! They are supposed to smile! Noone is allowed to hurt your baby! 

A similar situation with my best friend. Different lover, different length of the relationship - 
but the same fucking destructive feeling. Maybe it is typical for us humans how universal heartbreak is and in the same time the most personal and individual thing of all times.

His text says "I'm in the car in front of my house. Can you come?" . Without any emojis and with the background that he just talked to the person he's in love with, to clarify things, you know that he sits there alone in the dark, crying. That he doesn't want to go inside to avoid talking to his dad and explaining his red eyes and his terrible mood. 

We'll be there, talking and shedding tears in the dark. (source)

You know that nothing is okay. Everything is so wrong. It feels like it will never be right again. 
"Why can't it just be okay? Like it was in the beginning: We were so happy, I was so happy at the time. But now...?". He looks at me, sobbing, suing. But I can't answer his questions. 
Only these old dumb and lame phrases come to my mind. They are true. But they don't really help. "Time heals" and "It'll be alright" and "You're to good for them anyway" and "You don't need them to be happy" and "you'll find someone else".

I wonder if I am good at comforting people. I imagine the pain I went through in some times in my life. How I called them and cried for help. How I was a crumbled mess on the floor. How I thought that "It will be alright" was the biggest of all lies. 
And suddenly it gets easier to feel them, to console them and be there for them. It is a really important part of a friendship to be there in this time, to lend your hand when your friend is at the bottom. Help them up and get a new start.

Since I know this video by TimH, I've shown it all of my friends who were in a similiar situation. It really sums up in a wonderful slightly funny way how you feel after a relationship ended and you are still in love with the person. 
And I have to say thank you Tim, for making it, because it really helps. You may cry more at first, but you start to reflect about the how and why and that there is a way to move on. 


And yet here is your friend. So vulnerable, so weak, like you've never seen them before. They cry they look at you and beg you to fix them. But you can't. Only time is able to do it, and they themselves have to "get over it" (oh how I hate that this is true). The only thing you can do, is hug them, carress them, acknoledge that they're great people and the time/situation/person just wasn't right. Because, even if I sound like my mom, it WILL get better. There WILL be someone else. And... time really heals. 
Noone knows it better than you.

FUCK YOUR PREJUDICE I'M A FEMINIST

Suddenly, right after the Sam Pepper incident the internet was full of videos about sexual assault. There were so many people that called him out (e.g. Laci Green). And there appeared many  girls and women who were sharing their stories about their personal experiences with sexual assault and harassment. They were called "attention whores" and I really don't know how many of them are but I hope none. I hope that they were honest and just to ashamed to talk about what happened to them in public before others spoke up and encouraged them.

I am so lucky that nothing like this ever happened to me. But I am female (obviously). 
And even in a Western, enlighted, "equal" society like ours in Germany, Europe, I don't feel safe. I walk home alone and I am afraid of rapists, of assault, of someone trying to take advantage of me. Why?

What is this fucked up world where you can't feel safe? Where several men rape a student in a bus in India, or a girl is raped in my hometown or a "jogger" jumps out of the bush and touches women who walk their dogs. I live in a country where only about 8% of the reported/denounced offenders are charged for their actions. 

It says: Excoriate Rape! The black figures are the rapists,
the light pink ones are the reported ones,
the darker pink are the verdicted/charged rapists.
I'm always shocked when I see this.

I don't only think these people are mentally ill. They are. But at the same time, I think the problem lies in society - in our values and beliefs. 

That make some men think that it is okay to behave like they behave.
It starts with feeling unsafe at night , catcalling on the street (literally EVERY girl experiences this regularly), guys touching you or grabbing you when you are out dancing or on public transport. It's not okay. 

Watch this video from buzzfeed in which they imagined catcalling with swapped roles.

The list goes on. Sexual harrassment in the form of words or touching you inappropriately. A guy who forces his girlfriend to have sex even if she doesn't want to. Any kind of sexual action without mutual consent. Men who rape women, girls, children. Who, if they dont kill them, leave emotional scars and mental issues to the victim that won't heal a life-time. 

I support this new wave of feminism that came with the youtube scandal and I don't think it is bad. Why do I have to defend myself for being a feminist?

In my studies I've got a clue why feminism (after the high in the 80s) started to become uncool.
The movement split up in different groups. Like in any political movement, there were extreme forms of feminism who came to the conclusion that men are the source of all evil. And as a result "ALL MEN ARE BAD". These are the feminists who are called out to be men-hating lesbians (often also seen as aggressive, not feminine and assexual). 

Victim-blaming is a severe problem
of sexual assault.
(experienceproject.com)

Other split-ups were women who said: "We achieved euality in law, our work here is done. We now can get back to being feminine and show in wearing pink and flowers and cooking that we're proud of being women". The great split-up and the massive appearance of the first split-up group in public brought a negative image to the movement of feminism, which was in the first place (as you can look up in the dictionary, a movement to achieve the equality of sexes and not to benefit one gender over another). 

Equality is fine. Isn't it? I don't hate men.
I just hate patriarchal men who think it is their birth right to dominate over women. In the work place, at home, in sexual situations - anywhere. These men are assholes. I hate assholes.

I can say, that none of my male friends is an asshole like that. I'm happy to say that. But these men still exist. And what I'm trying to force here is to get feminism back into discourse. I like that new wave, keep that going, talk about feminism again!
It's not alright and okay now, because the laws do not keep their promises. There is no equality in payment, in leading positions in jobs, in the families and there's no equality in school.

When your teacher still tells you: "You shouldn't do computer science, because you're a girl." Or "you can't play football, because boys are better at it." Or "you shouldn't take French because as a boy, you would sound "gay" and girlish speaking it". And "don't do the ballet dancing class because it would look ridiculous!"

Stop it guys! Overthink your prejudice and the things you repeat parrot-fashion without reflecting them. Be against gender roles and against feminism! Why has this woman in the parfume ad has to be naked? Why do girls have to love cooking and puppets and pink? Why can't boys be emotional, talk about their feelings and cry? Why is it special to be a female in politics or natural sciences? 
OVERTHINK! Everyone gains from it. Expect rapists and patriarchal assholes. 

But I think I'm fine with that. 










sources & further reading:

• https://www.frauen-gegen-gewalt.de/
• Simon During: "Feminism's Aftermath: Gender Today" out of Cultural Studies: A Critical Introduction
• Allan G. Johnson: "Patriarchy." out of Race, Class, Gender in the US 
• a interesting article on female movie characters in the New York Times
• Youtube: Laci Green, Charlie McDonnell, BuzzFeed, Bree Essrig
• A beautiful video about marriage/relationships and feminism by ThisBeDottie 

What Makes Me Happy

Since I haven't written a new entry in a while, I thought I'm gonna try today. 
I was inspired by this video by soulpancake which is an excellent youtube channel trying to make the world a better or at least a happier place. They give street compliments, motivational prep talks and they talk about love, life and gratitude.  In the following video they asked the fungbrothers: "What makes you happy?".

I started to think about things that make ME happy.
Here are a few. And I love the idea of a steady continued "List of Happiness" (maybe I'm starting a new page for that) that I can come back to and smile because reading things that make you happy makes you happy I guess.

What makes me happy

Chocolate - and candy in general. I really and honestly love the people who thought: We should create food that isn't for nourrituring your body, we should create food that is just for enjoying, something sweet and delicious, something wrapped in crinkling metallic foil. 

Or think about desserts! They're great. Who doesn't like desserts? I love them, especially since I read "Jeremy Fink and The Meaning of Life" by Wendy Mass. The title, freely "translated" into German is "Das Leben ist kurz, iss den Nachtisch zuerst!" (Life's short, eat dessert first) - which is actually a quote by Jacques Torres (There you go, learn new things everyday).

Learning new stuff is a thing! I love it! Everyday at University I'm like: 

Especially learning languages is a favourite of mine in learning new stuff. I crave the moment I'm like: Aaaaahh! So there's the connection between this word in German and that word in French/English/whatever... And I love finding new vocabulary in texts and be like: Bitch, please- I know that word ! ;)

Being abroad and travelling make me happy, so I get to use all my language knowledge and broaden it, and on top of it, my horizon. Every journey to another place is a journey to yourself. You learn so much by comparing your culture to another, by seeing that you're just a part of the great wide world. Gosh, I am infected by "Fernweh" (= the contrary to being home sick, the dream of being far away and travel). 

Places make me happy. Like the house I grew up in, my home. How it's always cozy and how it is the essence of my childhood and the feeling of being loved.

Chimney fires are something I don't want to miss in my life. They are amazing. And candles, too. They manage to make a room comfortable, romantic and more like home in a second.

Update from my bedside table. I love books, by the way.

Paris makes me happy. I miss it so much to be there and I'm hoping to go there again in March and visit all the places of my memories from last year.

My best friend's house makes me happy, because it is a place full of funny memories and his smell. 

The cinema makes me happy, the tension when the lights go out, it is still magical after all those years. 

Touching movies make me happy. If they're funny, or if their fascinating plot just thrills me, or if they make me cry or if they make me think - I just love good movies!

Plus: The smell of fresh popcorn is from heaven! 

And  watching series make me happy! "Sherlock" is a series I just discovered that I'm totally in for, I mentioned "Faking It" and "Awkward" before - I'm currently watching the new episodes. I like "New Girl", I love "The Middle", I still find "Desperate Housewives" is gold and don't get me started on "Gossip Girl". "Adventure Time" is lovely, "scrubs" is just PRAISE - series in general are the best! If you don't know any/one of them, check them out - 

this is an order!!! [to make you happy]

SHERLOCK = BEST *-*
(http://www.daserste.de/unterhaltung/film/sherlock/videos/sherlock)

Friends and nice people add to my happiness. Literally ROFL-ing (rolling on the floor laughing) with my friends, having great meaningful or silly conversations about everything or just tickling them - the absolute best! 

Shoutout to the people who are nice and polite in everyday life!

For example the girl who smiled at me at the bus stop, the man who bent down for my change in the queue at the supermarket, the bus driver who greeted me so kindly this morning - shoutout to these people! Sometimes they really make my day.

Cuddling is priceless! :) I love to cuddle all the people I care about. And animals, too. 

And Kissing! Whoever invented this in the first place is my hero! Because everyone does it or did it or has done it or will probably do it in their life time and hopefully enjoy it as much as I do, but basically noone knows why we do it. It's funny and lovely and for me it can be magic. 

"How to combine two topics in a text perfectly" by Lotta
(Roy Liechtenstein - We Rose up slowly...)

Key word Art and "inspiring": Museums make me happy. Exhibitions, artists who have visions, ideas and a whole lot more talent than I have, in creating beautiful or thought provoking sculptures, paintings, films, anything. 

Videos make me happy, like the one by soulpancake about happiness. They inspire me to create things (/art?) on my own. Youtube is an inspiring platform (and also one of the best places for procrastination, by the way). Charlie's videos make me happy or new episodes of Crash Course Psychology :). Basically my whole subscription list. 

Music is a killer. Everyone loves some kind of music. There is music for every mood you can be in. Anger, romantic fantasies, sadness, delight... There's a tune to it. Music lightens up my life. Life without music would just suck, wouldn't it? I love good movie soundtracks. I love chill-out playlists or real rock at concerts. 

I love festivals and the atmosphere there with all the people just enjoying and sharing a moment. I love making music just for the hell of it.

festivals are my favorite! And I forgot sunsets of course. Who doesn't love them???(source: farm4.static.flickr.com)

I could go on and on on this list (and maybe I will, soon).

Like one of the brothers in the video said: if you're in the flow, you just find more and more things that make you happy. And that are worth living for. These are some things that make me happy. And it made me really happy writing them down.

What about you?