Restless Rest

What is there to do for me? When I was still at work (in Paris... *starts to sob uncontrollably*) there were a million things in my mind I'd rather do at this very moment.
But where have they gone? I can't find one of them.
What do I do? I look for a place to live in my new hometown, Freiburg (hopefully), desperately and every flat share rejects me.
I have breakfast and movie nights with my friends and I'm out clubbing sometimes, I try to catch up to my guitar skills - didn't play in a long time and when the weather is nice, I go for a walk, I sit down on the grass to write poems, I lie down and start to cry over sad german love songs on my iPod.

What I was listening to the last couple days
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The rest of my holiday free time I sit inside and play useless games on my phone and listen to audio books (No, not on audible.com, I'm not sponsored -I just go to the library, I'm sorry). 2048 has become my favourite number and I protect myself from zombies trying to cross my lawn and eat my brain. Yep, that's it, mostly. My life. 

Don't start this. Just don't.
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I know, in less than a month I will be fully occupied again with stuff from Uni, getting to know new people, keeping up my two other languages and books and all that, but for now I'm in that ultimate vacuousness, that blank space between one paragraph and another.

I'm just before the new chapter where a new storyline will begin. It feels awkward. It feels like I should make something out of this time, but I'm wasting it. 
I feel kind of restless, like: I want to move, let's do something!
But then again, what's there to do? And so I end up on my bed again, with the video games and the audio books. I enjoy that, to be honest, but shouldn't there be more? 

I 've come to believe it's the fact that I don't have an appartment in my new environment yet and my inner, repressed anxiety about the future is making me uncomfortable. I know it is going to work out in some way, it always works out eventually. But still... I just want to have it safe. I always have a plan B, but I really really don't want to use it. And what if plan B or C or even D don't work out? 
In front of everyone, my parents, strangers, my friends I'm like: "Hey, no stress - I will find a thing, former or later". Gosh, I'd love to be as chilled out and relaxed about it as I pretend to be. I'm not. I'm a bag of nerves. I live in restless rest. I'm desperate. HELP! 


Ok, calm down, Lotta. It's not that bad. This problem will be solved in less than a month, lay back, take a rest. You'll be fine.

EMF (Electronic Music Festival) 2014

What I really, absolutely want to do, is going on a trip. On a holiday. Because the only holiday I had was the festival at the beach in July I attended for 2 days (Electro Beach). Hell yes, it was awesome and "en plus" we had sun, fun and music - but only two days... It passed too quickly. 
I'm not all about sunshine (instead I'm all about that bass), going to the pool and party all night - no in fact I want to go wherever I can go, just a holiday. I don't even care if it's Belgium, Poland, the Nederlands, France (again?!) or something further away. I wouldn't even mind the "Nordsee", one of the two seas at the coast of Germany.

The problem is only the appartment for October. I can't just leave now and hope for the best. That's why I'm still here writing and not freezing without any battery left in the woods with a friend and loads of good music and conversations (and maybe some tea). I imagine me driving hundreds of cilometres, I imagine cold wind and a cloudy sky and a grey unfriendly ocean and sand under my bare feet and a cozy blanket. I want it so badly, please, let me find a place at Freiburg - and then let me find one friend who is prepared to come with me. 

The destination and the activities don't matter much to me, let's do whatever wherever. Just together. And just right now. So...


Who wants to go to the "plage" with me?